How does a writer feel when her first book has just been published and she is delivering a copy in person to a customer?
These are the first few days since my book has been finally been published. It took me over seven years to finish my work, and I am experiencing such a wonderful feeling of self fulfilment that I am briskly hopping from one buyer's home to the other delivering my book in person. Each time I think of my book's title "The Tune of Life" I get a warm and blissful feeling. You would never find me writing the book with the opposite name... As far back as I can remember myself I was always observing. I felt I had a deep understanding of the soul - mine as well others - and I always loved teaching. I wanted to write a book that would enable a better understanding between people, and I was always fascinated by the society around me. When I was about nine I began writing. My aim was always to influence readers to see their lives differently and to feel sympathy and empathy. I wanted my readers to find their own answers to questions I raised through my narrative. In "The Tune of Life" I wanted each reader - at any age and especially children - to pause. To pause and look around. To look around and observe. To breathe in air and to listen to the tune that is playing in each and every one of us. We each have those voices of self doubt, whether they come from our parents, brothers, friends or teachers. I want us to hear the wonderful TUNE of our lives. And the more we are attentive to OUR OWN tune, the more fulfilled and good we will feel. WE are the only ones who really know best what is right for us. We must feed and nourish our soul constantly, and to do that we need to acquaint ourselves with it. The outer body is far more familiar to most of us, but I feel that the soul is far more important for the fulfilment of our lives.
Most children are far closer than adults to being genuinely in touch with their soul. The younger they are, the better they are able to "listen". As a baby I can remember my strong desire to be able to be understood. I recall the terrible frustration I experienced when words I could fully comprehend didn't come out of my mouth. Instead I could only produce single syllables, and I wanted to be heard clearly. I couldn't control the utterances I produced, and I remember being laughed at since people were amused by my gibberish. I also remember how much I wanted to walk on two legs, and remember wondering why I am the only one on all four. I remember wanting that so very much and asking myself "Why? Why can't I walk like everyone else around me?!".
I was at a customer's house yesterday. The woman's daughter was with her - a lovely girl who looked about 9 years old, and to whom I was introduced as the "author". My heart melted. I am a flutist, producer, artist...but hearing my new title as an "author" was new to me. I told the girl to look carefully at every page in my book. At every sentence and every picture. I told her to try and ask herself why I chose the picture that was opposite each line? "It might take her a lifetime" I thought to myself, and when she does find the logic for each of the 32 works of art in my book she will indeed be a fulfilled person. The thought that my book can bring so much light into a person's life and home, and in addition soon also the sounds of my flute will caress people's souls, is an incredible thought. It will take time to do so, and perhaps years will pass before a reader will be able to fully grasp the potential of my book. But I feel that the path is now laid out for the process.
I was talking so much to the mother that at some point the girl raised her voice and said quite agitatedly: "I also want to ask Tamar questions about her book!". I looked her way and said: "Of course, ask me anything you'd like and I'll gladly answer you! And if you have more questions after I leave you can write to me on whatsapp." Nothing saddens me more than a child with an unanswered question or a question that doesn't receive genuine attention. It saddens me to hear children receiving such answers as: "One day you'll understand" or worse: "That's a stupid question!". Unfortunately many parents don't take young childrens' questions seriously when in actual fact they at times are paying more attention then the grown ups who's faces are in their phones. Every question a child asks has motivation - a quest for knowledge and understanding. And when children don't get answers or are mocked for their questions they either stop asking or they seek answers elsewhere. I teach children from as young as age 5, and I have met increasingly more and more children at younger ages than in the past who have learnt to manipulate or lie in order to get what they want - usually attention. Yet the very essence of the child's soul is curiosity and learning, and that is more often replaced by manipulation and lies when their yearning for knowledge and understanding isn't met by those closest to them.
But the young girl I met yesterday had plenty of true curiosity and inquisitiveness. I could see that her chances of understanding her life were far better than many other children, since this girl had no fear to ask me anything. She didn't look in her mother's direction for any approval, and she quickly felt free in my company. She asked me many questions, and I made sure to answer them patiently and seriously while looking straight into her trusting eyes. Just like us - adults - children want to understand their lives. They want to know how they fit into the society around them, and the more they feel free to find out information, the more comfortable and secure they will feel. The more secure they feel, the more confident they will be in their own abilities and the more they will trust their instincts. The girl asked me how I chose a picture for each sentence in my book? how did her mother get to know me? is life a long path? and more and more wonderful and inquisitive questions.
The girl's question about life being a path excited me. I answered that if at her age she can already see her life as path, a journey or an adventure she is assured great enjoyment and fulfilment. I told her that each day and even each hour can be seen as a new adventure...And then she said: "But school is not fun. I don't really enjoy going to school...". Her words saddened me. One of my dreams since beginning my work on the book with my artist Hana Auerova has been to replace our education system. I truly feel I have a plan that could accomplish that since children are correct in not wanting to go to school when it is so cut off from their present world of technology and their current changing abilities and skills. Our system isn't suited to lockdowns and to cell phone, and desperately needs re-thinking. Children are more and more alone in front of a screen, and growing problems of attention and concentration cannot continuously necessitate medication in order to adapt to so called standards. All this was going through my mind at rapid speed, but I answered her with a question: "Is there absolutely nothing at school that is fun? Do you maybe sometimes have one fun chat with a friend from your class? Or perhaps in a lesson you learn something small of a little tiny bit of interest?". I told her that is enough for one good thing to happen in one day. Life can't possibly be fun every minute of the day, and it's important to look at your day as a whole. It's better not to concentrate on annoying little things like "why did I not get this or that" or "why did this or that not happen to me too? but rather think to yourself: "How great that this or that happened today" or "I learnt something today that I didn't know yesterday" or "I saw something new..." By using these phrases we can enjoy our day, and in order to get to those insights we need to open our eyes and ears to the world and to all that is around us.
I shared with the little girl how wonderful it is for me to be writing for so many years, more or less since I was her age. Through my writings my daughters will have insight into their mom's way of thinking which might be very much more meaningful to them as they grow older and perhaps also become moms. I said to her that she sees her mother through the eyes of her childhood. Her mother has many wonderful sides to her personality that she is yet to discover. "You have so many things to learn about yourself and it will be an ongoing and exciting quest". The two looked at each other - mother and daughter - and smiled lovingly into each others eyes. I felt so privileged to be present there at exactly that very special moment.
The mother then asked me to write a dedication in their copy, and I dedicated it "To the Gros family, Passover 2022". I left their home contentedly and continued on my way to bring light to yet another home. How lucky are we to each be so very different?! And together we are truly great.
